Partner’s bad habit 6

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 Sam 29 

I started dating this girl 8years ago when I was in the Uni, she was a
virgin and so was I. So we were each others first. 

We dated until I graduated and I had to travel far to hustle, distance
then made us breakup.
When I came back I called her to see her first, even before I saw my
family and I found out she dated someone else, but at that point I’ve
not dated anyone else even when we had broken up, I felt hurt and
broken. So I broke up again and dated someone else, then I had to travel
again after some time. 

About a year and few months later, I was back again and she she reached
out to me to meet and we met and started dating again, I told her I’ve
tried to moved past that experience and also I’ve also dated other girls
so we’re even now, then I had dated about 3 other girls apart from her.
We were talking and it led to body count and she said her body count
was 12 guys, adding me made it 13. I was so shocked and angry, I saw her
like a whore and wondered how she dated so many guys in just a year and
few months that we were not together. 

I was about breaking up again, but she pleaded and said she had many bad
experiences, so I started cheating on her just to console myself and
get my own body count up to hers, hoping that will make me feel better.
After a while I stopped, our relationship was getting better, but I have
trust issues with her, although I never caught her doing anything, but
based on her body counts I sometimes look at her like a loose girl.
Then I had to travel again a third time,this time we were doing distance
relationship even though I was far away, but after a year and some
months I couldn’t stay, so I started dating someone there and I broke up
with her again. 

Then I came back just few months after the breakup and we started
talking again and got back together, because this time around I’m not
traveling again and I want to settle down and she is the only girl I
have always imagined spending my life with and settling down with.
I asked her if she was dating, she said no. But after we started dating I
saw one man she was going places with and she admitted she was dating
the man, but she broke up with him the moment I showed up, because the
man is a married man.
That statement married man just made me feel so bad, although I was
prepared to handle the fact that she also dated some guys this time
around, See more at www.cruisehub.live/Stories but I wasn’t prepared to hand the fact that she subjected
herself to become someone’s side chick, plus all the body counts and
this dating married man just made me look at her like a whore even more
without self respect, but at the same time I don’t want to lose her and I
feel if I breakup again now, she would go ahead and do something even
more stupid. 

She is the only girl I’ve ever loved and wished to settle down with, but
she has lived a kind of life that makes me sad and ashamed.
What do I do? Is it something I can heal from? I don’t know if I can
heal from letter her go completely and I don’t know if I can trust her
and look at her the way I want to, if I keep her. I’m mentally broken
and I don’t even know what to do.
One moment I’m fine with her, the next minute I’m pissed and asking her
how could she make such poor choices and reduce herself to become a side
piece.
I need advice, please🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽